Ballad of a Broken Heart
by Frayed at the Edges
Summary: Leah muses over certain events in her life, the good, the bad, the ugly...everything that has lead her to where she is now. "Sometimes the rain creates a soothing lullaby, playing over and over…and sometime I’m allowed to forget, if only for a moment…"


**AN: So...for some reason, I find Leah absolutely amazing, I love her story (although theres not too much of it in the books) and I really admire her because really...she's been through more that some of the other characters and doesn't nearly cry or whine as much *cough* Bella *cough* haha, sorry I'm not trying to Bella bash, love the books, I just think Leah's character is more fierce and tough, absolutely love her! **

**Anyways.... enjoy!!**

**p.s don't be afraid to tell me what you think :D**

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It's raining…no surprise there…it's always raining here…

At least I know I can count on the rain…at least I know that even though some days it may go away, the rain will always come back. I find comfort in it. Sometimes the rain creates a soothing lullaby, playing over and over…and sometime I'm allowed to forget, if only for a moment…

I don't know what exactly was the defining moment in my life, making me who I am today. In a way it was a culmination of little (sometimes big) moments, a chain of events that coalesced into almost a snowball effect forcing me to be the woman I am today. Or werewolf. Or shape shifter. Whatever the hell you want to call me. I could probably throw in some older, obscene nicknames, but I'd like not to go there for now.

If you asked my pack and some of my old friends they might say I changed the most the day Sam Uley (my then fiancée and boyfriend of many years) left me…for none other than my cousin, my best friend, and the closet thing to a sister I'd ever had, Emily Young.

And yeah, that hurt, hell it hurt more than I could ever possibly describe, but I don't like to think it was that only. In fact I KNOW it was more than that…much more.

Losing Sam had only been the beginning, the tip of the iceberg as some might say. To this day I hear his words echoing in my memories.

"_Lee Lee…ah, I don't love you, not like that anymore."_

I remember the way my heart shattered while I watched him walk away, but at least I could still feel, I still wanted him to be happy and what was best for him. I wasn't too bitter…yet.

As time passed, I slowly learned how to heal from a broken heart. Not completely, but it was more than I could've asked for. I had an amazing, strong family, great friends and knew that although Sam would always be my first and true love, I was still young and had my entire life ahead of me. I remember eagerly awaiting to the day I could leave my small town roots and all the memories behind and start fresh far from La Push.

But then…my father died. I became lost in a dark maze. I could feel my family slipping from my grasp, I wanted to, but couldn't find the words to help us find the comfort we needed in each other. My dad, the last man I trusted, was gone. And so was I. I was so upset at first, so torn with grief, however, I couldn't cry. I remember staring stonily as his casket was lowered into the ground, feeling my mother's trembling figure beside me. Why couldn't I cry?

The following week, I found my grief morphing into anger. A blind, raging mad anger I couldn't control and one night I (literally) exploded.

I had entered the land of myths and fairytales. Unfortunately they weren't myths and I sure as hell wasn't living any fairytale.

My body had changed into a giant freaking DOG.

And to make matters worse, I was subjected to the mind of Sam, the man I had thought I could slowly get over…if I kept my distance. You could never understand how truly unbearable it is have the one man you wished didn't matter have complete control over you. I couldn't escape even into my head because he was always, always there.

Day after day I was forced into listening to the love and adoration he had for Emily, and it slowly killed me more on the inside.

I was living a nightmare, made worse only by the random memories that would flit through Sam's mind of us…of the love we had shared. I yearned for them sometimes, to know that he still remembered us, but they were never enough. And they weren't healthy, for me, because I would remember too, and my heart would break all over again.

Until I became numb to it all. I stopped caring about everything and everyone. I had become bitter. My words were venom to anyone near and my mind churned with dark thoughts.

Nothing mattered to me anymore.

My pack referred to me as a Bitch, and in all ways, both literally and metaphorically, I was.

I showed no compassion for anyone or thing…until the pack split.

Who knew Jacob Black had a set of balls? Watching him defy Sam, it almost felt like waking up.

Now, many may argue that I didn't even think twice before making the decision to follow the kid, but truthfully it wasn't that easy.

Yeah, sure, by joining Jake's renegade pack I may have been fee, but at the same time I was afraid. Because I'd finally have to really let go. Something I'd realized I hadn't truly done. And was I ready? Hell if I knew, but I did know that I HAD to be ready. Somehow I knew that Jake and Seth would need me. More than Sam would.

Sometimes I think back and wonder what would have happened if I'd let my heart rule over the logic of that decision. Because my heart had been telling me to stay, it longed to still be near Sam and receive any type of acknowledgement from him. But I knew it would never help me. I never would have been give the opportunity of being Beta.

I never would have been allowed to grow…

Being in Jake's pack-was a relief-it was like the sun had finally started shining and the walls of ice so carefully structured around me began to crack and melt.

I smiled.

I laughed.

And I finally cried.

I could feel again.

And I didn't mind it.

One night, a little while after Jake's pack had been created I was patrolling by myself. The night had been quiet and warm, so I chose to phase back into my human form slipping on a little white summer dress. I made my way to the cliffs and plopped down into the soft lush grass.

_As I sat there, I couldn't remember the last time I felt so relaxed. I let my head roll back and I stared out at the stars and the moon, my hands plucking at blades of grass carelessly while my mind wondered._

_I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn't hear him coming until he was sitting next to me. Before I would tense up, not wanting him near, but tonight I didn't care. I didn't speak at first; really I didn't even acknowledge his presence for awhile. We just sat there, side by side. Comfortably silent together for the first time in a long long time. _

"_It's so beautiful," I finally murmured._

"_Just what I was thinking," He replied, and when I looked at him through the corner of my eyes, he was staring right at me…and not the stars._

_My mouth quirked into a half smile, "Sam Uley, what are you doing?"_

"_Visiting you," he grinned sheepishly._

"_Well, I'm a big girl, so if you are trying to check up on me, I'm just fine."_

"_I know, I just…I just wanted to see you. That's all Lee Lee."_

_My eyes closed and I softly sighed, "Don't call me that please."_

_His lovely grin faltered for a minute, "I'm sorry."_

_I smiled at him, "Don't be sorry, it's just that when you call me that I remember who I used to be…And I'm not that girl anymore."_

"_No, no you're not," This time he sighed, his brown eyes never leaving my face, "You're more than I ever imagined you being now."_

"_I don't know what to quite make with that," I laughed turning to look at him fully. "What are you really doing here Sam?"_

_Sam shifted slightly closer to me, his large hand brushed back hair that had fallen in my face, "Honestly I don't know, but sometimes…sometimes I get these urges to be near you."_

"_You're treading dangerous waters," I said, trying to distance our bodies, but he wouldn't allow it._

"_Tell me about it," Sam whispered, shaking his head, "Lee, you have no idea what it did to me that you chose Jake over me…"_

"_That's not…"_

"_Let me finish. I know it's not like that, and I understand I have no right to care for you the way I do…always have…and it's not fair to you or Em. And I'm trying here, I really am, but I do miss you and when you went after Jake…I realized I couldn't have you both. I had been so selfish in thinking that I could. Just being near you always seemed to calm me. And as much as I hate that you seem happier and it has nothing to with me, I can't help but feeling happy because you ARE happier." His words were rushed and he seemed to be fighting himself from saying them._

_I stared at him, nodding. "I know exactly what you mean." _

_Sam laughed, the huskiness of it drawing me closer to him unconsciously. His hand reached for my chin and suddenly we were mere centimeters apart. I could taste his breath on my face. And although I knew what was about to happen, I still couldn't believe it. I also knew it wouldn't change anything. He would go home, be with Emily…and I would remain sitting here, wishing for my happy ending. But at the same time, I needed this moment, needed it to move on. I needed to let him go and I knew that's what he was trying to do as well._

"_Sam, are…"_

_And I couldn't even finish my sentence before his warm lips were upon mine. I sighed contently into his mouth and he smiled before our lips began working together. _

_And it felt so wrong…_

_But unbelievably right._

_It wasn't a fevered, rushed lip lock. It was soft, lingering. It was everything our relationship was, had used to be. It was bittersweet._

_I can't tell you how long we kissed, because honestly I don't know, but when we finally did pull apart, our foreheads rested against each other and our hearts beat as one._

_Then Sam gently kissed my forehead and whispered into my ear, "It'll always be you."_

_Not another word was said between us, we turned and gazed out at the stars, Sam's arms wrapped around me and I eventually fell asleep. _

_I awoke the next morning lying in the same spot as I had been in the night before. Sam wasn't there. I knew he wouldn't be._

And I was fine. Because I had finally let go.

A few years have passed since then, and life has gotten better. I'm not so cynical, but I'm not naïve like I once was either. And although a part of my heart still aches gently whenever Sam is around, I know that I can continue to live, to grow…and become more of the woman I'm supposed to be, that I'm already becoming.

Jake's pack is still separate, I'm still Beta (which I love to tease the boys about) and I find myself happy more and more with every day that passes. I've accepted life the way it is, even embraced it. I love the feel of the wind whipping at fur as I run so freely through the woods. Because that's all I've ever really wanted I guess…to be free…

And when it rains…it soothes me because I'm allowed to forget…if for only a moment that I had been so unbearably broken and bitter.

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**So, I through this together while I was sitting in class, I'd love to hear what you all thought about it :)**


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